today there was a fire
clara trying to reach momma ghost, blocked by serpent
the girls at play
mama ghost and her incestuous lesbian daughters
6am. hello. fading fast because i took an ambien and am becoming incoherent. but the nice thing about ambien is that you can write and write and write because you don’t give a fuck, it;s good for the loosening that needs to happen in order to speak. above are picture representations for thing s in my novel. my novel is about ghosts, lesbians, hallucinations, breakup the body and put it back to gather . seesawing desire . what is reality? is mamma ghost real? wait and find out.
i will keep going because i don’t hafvre much time !!!!!
today there was a fire on the 5th floore and somertione said it’s a real fire this time. we gotta go! i thought, hmmm… what should i bring? my computer because it has my novel on it. but then i looked around the room ot try to think what else to bring and could’m’ty think of anything. i look around. nothing? nothing. maybe i should have taken my wallet or my watch (i don’t own a watch) or cell phone… the practical things…but what about the sentimental thingfs. like a picture of my family? nope. just took the computer because i would not want to lose my words.
if we don’t speak are we losing words? are we allotted words like a college meal plan card? don’t use it yo u lose it .
i was going to wrier sometrgiubf important but i snasccan6y cant read nmyg own handwriting and i hallucinate when i look at things.
i sneaking into a lot of colleges tro get their food.
i want johns hopkins to give me a library care=dd . i deserve it more than the students .
my older brother had a mental breakdown in prison and my mom gabber ing on on o n on the phone about this this this that and she says she expects me to save the family. i’m their only last hope, apparently. brothers brothers wont’ do good so it’s on you. i can’t deliver. i’m bad daughter
i never want am MFA. i’m not good at : getting addicted to thhingf s , reading in a straight line., reading fast i am not a person of mystifying intelligence . i cant think linearly. you need that to think linearly to solve problems. i read her book—the cow, ariana reines—forward for thaw 1qsrt half and backward for the 2nd halved and then i crashed in the middle. it was interesting. i stoped but then could no longer read forward. i had to go backward. i am always going backward. my handwriting is all wrong. i form the letters totally backwayreds. it’s inefficenite . i am also left handed. since many people told me i was smart when i wanness s young kid, i have a theory that i actually BECAME stupid. why? i have a theory for that too.rampant insomnia made me stupid. i got cloudy headed and lost all my memory and stayed an insomnia for 9 years . 9 YEARASS NOT BEING ABLE TO SLEEP. recently, i am reminded. 2 days awake… not as bad as it was . thanks god for ambient otherwise my life is a total wreck. seriously.
i eat too much but i consider it packing my lunch. i’m not as good at waiting as i used to bre . i googled “white vagina discharge” wjhike on a computer at hopskins. my mom is very sad because the oxyhead s wongt stop chasing her . carrie gets very sad when i shut down and she cuts herself and cuts chunks out of her hair. we’re working all it. we ares all very sad.
